(Welcome to the Final Round and Match of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting for this match has now ended.

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By Jess from Insight Into Entertainment.

It seems fitting that these two made it into the finals – they’re both really rich, good-looking action heroes. On the surface they’re fairly similar, but looking at the specifics about being the roommate of either will reveal huge differences and a clear winner.

1. Lara Croft is crazy smart and kicks butt using her wits and muscles, so there wouldn’t be anything cluttering your apartment

Tony Stark has to build a whole suit in order to kick butt. He’s a pretty wimpy guy without the Iron Man suit that would be in pieces all over the house since he’s a guy and can’t possibly be bothered to clean.

2. Lara Croft travels the world using actual planes, trains, and automobiles (if you will) and thus would probably have room to take you with her on some of these amazing travels.

Tony Stark travels the world, wreaking havoc by flying in a suit. No room for you.

3. And finally, Lara Croft brings class and sophistication to your shared domicile. Good food, good friends, and good conversation. What more could you want?

Tony Stark is a recluse who can barely make time to call his assistant. Hardly a worthy roommate.

Vote for Lara!

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By Fletch from Blog Cabins.

I’m not going to try to convince the mostly-male readership of the LAMB that they’d rather have Tony Stark as their roommate instead of Lara Croft. It’s a losing battle – one that makes words like these pointless. One look at the two potential roomies would be more than enough to seal this battle’s fate.

Or would it?

Now, guys, try to stay with me here. Try hard. Resist going to Google Image Search and typing the words “Lara Croft” with SafeSearch turned off. Ignore the poster for either film. They all mean nothing, adding up to no more than the latest issue of Playboy or The Bare Wench Project. Because, let’s be honest here – were Lara Croft your roommate, that’s about as close as you’d get to her.

Do you really want to play the role of Bryce in Lara’s life – a live-in (or rather, out) techno-lackey, the butt of her jokes forced to stare longingly at her butt? Then, one by one, watching her parade conquests about the house, while off-handedly asking you to re-program some inane robot? Is this the dream roomie you see for yourself? And don’t even get me started on allergies – if a little pollen gets you all sneezy and swollen, can you imagine what kind of fits you’ll be in with the amount the dust that women surrounds herself with? We’re not talking about a layer of dust bunnies on the windowsill, either – we’re talking inches of dead skin and bugs and god knows what else, making their way from all around the world to your nose.

On the other hand, there’s Tony. Tony not only has a kickass mansion, but get this – the dude spends all his time in the basement working on that magic suit of his during the day. You want to watch the Giants game or Point Break? No worries – not only does he not care, he’s got some sweet remotes for you to use (nevermind the 85-inch 2160p widescreen that won’t hit the market for 10 years). From what I hear, he’s even got a spare suit…and the guy’s gone a lot…you do the math.

Round two has now ended! The votes have been tallied! The winners are now… um… winning. Anyway, to the results!

Lara Croft Vs. John McClane.

It was a tough fight to the end, but the bosom beat the badass 13 to 12. (If that really needs any clarification… Lara won).

Tony Stark Vs. Nicholas Angel.

In what was one of the most epic battles ever fought… more epic than 300 or any of the major battles in Lord of the Rings…. we had Fletch versus Nick… er… I mean, Tony Stark versus Nicholas Angel! It was one of the closest races we’ve ever had. It was neck-and-neck the entire way through and tied for the longest time. But yeah… so… um… tonywins13to11yetagainbringingfletchintothefinals. (Though with all the death threats and the horse’s head on my bed, I’m gonna say there was cheating involved… but that’s just my opinion :P ).

Anywho, there we are! I know this is awfully short notice, but if I could get the two articles by Saturday night, that’d be wonderful (as I’m going out of town and I’d like to set it up to be posted on Monday so voting could be finished by the time I get back). If not… well… I guess we’ll think of something else. So here’s the updated versus bracket (click to enlarge):

Thanks to everybody as usual, and let’s end this with a bang! Thanks!

(Welcome to the second and final match of the second round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting for this match has now ended.

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Room with Nicholas Angel? No effing way.

The guy is a straight-up loser. So much of a loser that he got demoted and sent to podunk England. So much of a loser that his fellow employees not only weren’t sad to see him go, but were waiting with baited breath to send the guy off. So much of a loser that he mistook some random dude for his ex-girlfriend (who dumped him, I might add). So much of a loser that his best friend is a tubby guy who does nothing but watch movies all day. Ok, maybe his friend isn’t such a bad guy.

Either way, you get the point – the guy makes Jason Biggs’ titular Loser seem like a cool guy to hang out with. Heck, with his inability to hold down his job and his current standing with the ladies, there’s a good chance he’s watching scrambled Cinemax with a sock at the ready like some other Biggs character. Have fun walking in on that on your way home from work.

On the other hand, there’s Tony Stark. Iron Man, if you will. Tony’s so damn cool that he literally has the ladies digging their hands into his chest. You don’t think he’s got some dating tips for you?

Then again, you might be saying, “but I’m a straight woman (or gay male) – I don’t want some cocky billionaires’ tips for picking up chicks.” Well, I hear your voices. For you, I have but one question – which of these guys would you rather see stumbling out of the shower with a little white towel on – schlubby, pasty Angel or hunky, mysterious Stark?

So I leave you with a simple question: would you rather bunk with the nearly-unemployed, anti-social knob whose only hobby is tending to a single plant, or with the guy whose license plate wrapper on his Ferrari reads “I’d rather be flying around the world in my high tech suit fighting terrorists when I’m not making billions as the head of my own company?”

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By Nick from Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob.

Let me put this to you in an easy, accessible fashion. A chart! Who doesn’t love a chart? We will see the vast differences in who makes a better roommate by showing both good and bad characteristics of roommates in general

This puts Tony Stark with 4 negatives and 1 positive… while Nicholas Angel has 5 positives and NO negatives.

But let me further extend my thoughts on these claims, so that you know they are not rash. While I cannot argue that he would have the money to pay for his half of the rent, there are so many other things to attend to. For instance, it is obvious that Mr. Stark is both a smoker and a drinker. As for an invader of privacy… he has those nosy little robots that want to pry into everybody’s business. Can you imagine yourself in the shower and just have some little robot appear and try to mess with you? Not to mention the constant press/media at his doorstep or intruding the household now that everybody knows he is, in fact, Iron Man. And he also destroys his own house and property more often than not in his continual attempts at being Iron Man. As such, the house would probably in a constant state of disarray. I can’t see him being too buddy-buddy, either, always being too busy with his job and superhero thing. And when he brings home the ladies for his nightly orgies and/or threesomes, would he share? No way. Not that you’d want it, anyway… with the women he picks up, there’s no telling what kind of diseases they have. And in the case of an emergency, how would you find him? Without access to his secret lab and such, he could be halfway around the world in some terror-filled country while you’re stuck locked out of the house without a spare key.

Nicholas Angel, on the other hand, could pay his rent easily and on time, will keep the house from becoming an uncleanable mess, and could easily be found at any time. He’s not a drinker or a smoker, he respects privacy, and he would not have reason to destroy your home. And, as I’ve previously stated, you can hang out with him and watch pretty much any movie you want, and he won’t really mind. Overall, he would be the most agreeable partner.

So these, as I see them, are the most obvious and clear-cut reasons as to why Tony Stark would be a HORRID roommate, and why Nicholas Angel, for all intents and purposes, would be so much better. So do yourself a favor… vote for Nicholas Angel.

Well, round one has ended in good timing! I can give the results now, and the winners can begin on their next articles over the weekend (as long as they aren’t distracted by some movie that came out this weekend… I can’t remember what it is at the moment, though… hmm…). Anyway, the results! It was an incredible first round with tons of voting and a few close calls!

Bruce Wayne/Batman Vs. Lara Croft.

This was the most voted-for match of the bunch, and boy was it a doozy. Between the awesomeness that is Bruce Wayne and the hotness that is Lara Croft, many of the male population of the LAMB had difficulty deciding between the two. But Lara Croft came out victorious with a staggering 31 votes over Bruce’s 22.

Tony Stark/Iron Man Vs. Underdog.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the least voted-for match (which is funny considering one of them was Iron Man, and that Iron Man was written by our very own Fletch). However, the match was still an obvious no-brainer (sorry Underdog), with Mr. Stark kicking the dog aside with a vote of 13 to 6.

John McClane Vs. Nausicaa.

This match, much like the first, was a battle of machismo and sex. John McClane is obviously one of the most iconic action heroes ever created, while Nausicaa… has ‘lesbian-y tendencies’. Apparently we have some moral LAMBs around here, because John McClane yippee kie yay’d to the top spot with an incredibly tight vote of 12 to 11.

Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel.

Finally, there was the battle of the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass against… the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass. It was a tough vote for me, as I wrote for Mr. Angel, yet Leon is one of my favorite movies. Apparently, though, others didn’t have the same confliction as Nicholas Angel fought his way to the winning spot with a vote of 14 to 8 (with no actual bribery involved!).

So there we are. The next round will begin as soon as possible, and I ask all winners to begin writing their essays for round two so they can get them to me ASAP. Round two should hopefully begin next week. And here is the updated Versus Bracket (click to enlarge):

Oh look at that… I’m going to be going up against Fletch in round two. It will be a battle of epic proportions! And I thank everybody who wrote in for round one, everybody who voted for round one, and everybody that is going to be participating for round two. Let’s hope the next one goes just as smoothly! Thanks!

(Welcome to the third match of the first round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting has now ended for this match.

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By Fletch from Blog Cabins.