(Welcome to the second and final match of the second round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting for this match has now ended.

———————-

Room with Nicholas Angel? No effing way.

The guy is a straight-up loser. So much of a loser that he got demoted and sent to podunk England. So much of a loser that his fellow employees not only weren’t sad to see him go, but were waiting with baited breath to send the guy off. So much of a loser that he mistook some random dude for his ex-girlfriend (who dumped him, I might add). So much of a loser that his best friend is a tubby guy who does nothing but watch movies all day. Ok, maybe his friend isn’t such a bad guy.

Either way, you get the point – the guy makes Jason Biggs’ titular Loser seem like a cool guy to hang out with. Heck, with his inability to hold down his job and his current standing with the ladies, there’s a good chance he’s watching scrambled Cinemax with a sock at the ready like some other Biggs character. Have fun walking in on that on your way home from work.

On the other hand, there’s Tony Stark. Iron Man, if you will. Tony’s so damn cool that he literally has the ladies digging their hands into his chest. You don’t think he’s got some dating tips for you?

Then again, you might be saying, “but I’m a straight woman (or gay male) – I don’t want some cocky billionaires’ tips for picking up chicks.” Well, I hear your voices. For you, I have but one question – which of these guys would you rather see stumbling out of the shower with a little white towel on – schlubby, pasty Angel or hunky, mysterious Stark?

So I leave you with a simple question: would you rather bunk with the nearly-unemployed, anti-social knob whose only hobby is tending to a single plant, or with the guy whose license plate wrapper on his Ferrari reads “I’d rather be flying around the world in my high tech suit fighting terrorists when I’m not making billions as the head of my own company?”

———————–

By Nick from Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob.

Let me put this to you in an easy, accessible fashion. A chart! Who doesn’t love a chart? We will see the vast differences in who makes a better roommate by showing both good and bad characteristics of roommates in general

This puts Tony Stark with 4 negatives and 1 positive… while Nicholas Angel has 5 positives and NO negatives.

But let me further extend my thoughts on these claims, so that you know they are not rash. While I cannot argue that he would have the money to pay for his half of the rent, there are so many other things to attend to. For instance, it is obvious that Mr. Stark is both a smoker and a drinker. As for an invader of privacy… he has those nosy little robots that want to pry into everybody’s business. Can you imagine yourself in the shower and just have some little robot appear and try to mess with you? Not to mention the constant press/media at his doorstep or intruding the household now that everybody knows he is, in fact, Iron Man. And he also destroys his own house and property more often than not in his continual attempts at being Iron Man. As such, the house would probably in a constant state of disarray. I can’t see him being too buddy-buddy, either, always being too busy with his job and superhero thing. And when he brings home the ladies for his nightly orgies and/or threesomes, would he share? No way. Not that you’d want it, anyway… with the women he picks up, there’s no telling what kind of diseases they have. And in the case of an emergency, how would you find him? Without access to his secret lab and such, he could be halfway around the world in some terror-filled country while you’re stuck locked out of the house without a spare key.

Nicholas Angel, on the other hand, could pay his rent easily and on time, will keep the house from becoming an uncleanable mess, and could easily be found at any time. He’s not a drinker or a smoker, he respects privacy, and he would not have reason to destroy your home. And, as I’ve previously stated, you can hang out with him and watch pretty much any movie you want, and he won’t really mind. Overall, he would be the most agreeable partner.

So these, as I see them, are the most obvious and clear-cut reasons as to why Tony Stark would be a HORRID roommate, and why Nicholas Angel, for all intents and purposes, would be so much better. So do yourself a favor… vote for Nicholas Angel.

Well, round one has ended in good timing! I can give the results now, and the winners can begin on their next articles over the weekend (as long as they aren’t distracted by some movie that came out this weekend… I can’t remember what it is at the moment, though… hmm…). Anyway, the results! It was an incredible first round with tons of voting and a few close calls!

Bruce Wayne/Batman Vs. Lara Croft.

This was the most voted-for match of the bunch, and boy was it a doozy. Between the awesomeness that is Bruce Wayne and the hotness that is Lara Croft, many of the male population of the LAMB had difficulty deciding between the two. But Lara Croft came out victorious with a staggering 31 votes over Bruce’s 22.

Tony Stark/Iron Man Vs. Underdog.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the least voted-for match (which is funny considering one of them was Iron Man, and that Iron Man was written by our very own Fletch). However, the match was still an obvious no-brainer (sorry Underdog), with Mr. Stark kicking the dog aside with a vote of 13 to 6.

John McClane Vs. Nausicaa.

This match, much like the first, was a battle of machismo and sex. John McClane is obviously one of the most iconic action heroes ever created, while Nausicaa… has ‘lesbian-y tendencies’. Apparently we have some moral LAMBs around here, because John McClane yippee kie yay’d to the top spot with an incredibly tight vote of 12 to 11.

Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel.

Finally, there was the battle of the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass against… the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass. It was a tough vote for me, as I wrote for Mr. Angel, yet Leon is one of my favorite movies. Apparently, though, others didn’t have the same confliction as Nicholas Angel fought his way to the winning spot with a vote of 14 to 8 (with no actual bribery involved!).

So there we are. The next round will begin as soon as possible, and I ask all winners to begin writing their essays for round two so they can get them to me ASAP. Round two should hopefully begin next week. And here is the updated Versus Bracket (click to enlarge):

Oh look at that… I’m going to be going up against Fletch in round two. It will be a battle of epic proportions! And I thank everybody who wrote in for round one, everybody who voted for round one, and everybody that is going to be participating for round two. Let’s hope the next one goes just as smoothly! Thanks!

(Welcome to the second match of the first round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. If you haven’t voted for the previous match, do so now! Today is the last day to vote for that match! Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting has now ended for this match.

———————

LÉON, also known as The Cleaner, is the ideal candidate to be my roommate for several reasons that immediately come to my mind. The first and foremost reason would be his sense of cleanliness and order. If you were to walk into his apartment, you may notice it is simple in design and decoration, but it is very clean. Not a speck of dust or swipe of dirt can be found in the entire apartment. His sense of pride is clearly apparent by the order he keeps in his own home. He even goes far enough to water and clean his potted plant by using a spray bottle filled with water and a clean cloth. He is a quiet roommate who usually keeps quiet and reserved. Despite the immoral nature of his profession as an assassin, you would think he was a small time accountant at a local business. He is a very responsible guy that you could trust to take care of his end of the household chores and not live in a pigsty. Even though he’s orderly and quiet doesn’t mean he is one of those goodie-two-shoes that can be a pain in the butt with a list of anal-retentive rules. There was one time I had a roommate who wouldn’t lift a finger to clean the bathroom we shared, but he would wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that I should pitch in to clean it. How aggravating and annoying!

SGT. NICHOLAS ANGEL, also known as Service Agent 777, is a dedicated police officer that not only goes by the codebook, but he’s tremendously anal with enforcing the rules. He is the epitome of what I would like to avoid in a roommate, because I find the strict rulebook type of guys to be a royal pain. He is an overachieving police officer with a lot of success and recognition at work, but he’s the type of guy who brings his Type A personality home with him. I am not a Type A guy and the overbearing rulebook enforcers annoy the hell out of me. The reason why I believe Sgt. Angel would not be an ideal candidate as my roommate would be the clash of personalities. I would love to live with someone who knows how to be responsible at home, but also knows how to respect the boundaries of those he or she lives with. I am afraid that Sgt. Angel is a responsible guy who will consistently pay the rent on time and keep the house clean, but will he leave me be at home? Will he be like the previous roommate that would wake me up early just to tell me to clean the bathroom when he finds it to be an appropriate time? Someone who is anal retentive, such as Sgt. Angel, would not be an ideal roommate for me. I would have to pass on him as a potential candidate.

————–

By Nick from Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob.

Both Nicholas Angel and Leon, oddly enough, have the similar traits of never drinking alcohol, never smoking, and always taking care of a Japanese Peace Lily (making the air nice and fresh); therefore, the quiet cleanliness factor must be overlooked if we are to compare these roommates.

Let us first take a look at why Nicholas Angel would be my ideal roommate: First, he can easily be talked into watching just about any cool movie you want him to see, and he won’t mind a huge DVD collection (“By the power of Greyskull!”). His best friend is also a fellow movie fanatic, and we’d get along great. Sergeant Angel is also incredibly intelligent, and we would probably easily be able to discuss academics if the need came up. And nobody would dare try to rob the place. He’s a police sergeant, and could hunt the person down in no time. Not to mention he would be quite on time with his half of the rent. Just an all around good guy.

Leon, on the other hand, can’t even read. If he ever considered buying a DVD, it would be Singin’ in the Rain, which he would watch over and over and over. And I’m all up for musicals, but hearing the same songs played constantly would get on my nerves. He would also have a tendency to bring spunky preteen girls home, probably making the landlord think we’re running some kind of child brothel. Not to mention he’ll probably come home bleeding and stain up the shower. And if I bother him at all, he’ll shoot me in my sleep without any hesitance. He’s boring at the best of times and dangerous at the worst. And on top of that, he’ll probably have so many pissed off people coming after him that they’ll end up firing a missile into the apartment before Leon decides to strap on his grenade vest and blow up the entire building. I really don’t feel like losing all my stuff just because my roommate was having a bad day.

Nicholas Angel all the way.