Warning: The following results, for whatever reason (purposeful or coincidental), have come off with some major innuendo.

————–

In what is a record finishing time for a LAMB Versus Event (though… that’s not really tough, since there’s only been one other one, and it had lasted forever), The LAMB Action Hero has come to a close.

This final round, while it didn’t have the 41 votes for when Sirens ended, it did have a good 37 (Clerks reference not intended). And the winner won by a landslide!

So here it is, the moment we’ve all been waiting for:

The winner of The LAMB Action Hero is…

Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft!

A busty action hero indeed, Lara Croft began her life in video games before spawning two movies starring Angelina Jolie as the titular character (…sorry, I really couldn’t resist). So she goes around, oftentimes followed by her butler and geek-mate, kicking butt and discovering ancient relics/artifacts.

For the fully completed Versus Bracket, check below (click to enlarge):

For those curious to the votes, it was Lara Croft at 26 and Tony Stark at 11. Lara’s total voting score for the entire event was… I kid you not… 69.

So congrats to Jessica from Insight Into Entertainment for writing all the winning arguments (though in a male-dominated community, I’m not exactly sure it was the essays that had the guys voting… but still, congrats all the same). Also, congrats to Fletch, who yet again came in second place.

As always, congrats to everybody who feels like they should be congratulated, and now for the winning prize…

Here you go, Jess… have a button:

Round two has now ended! The votes have been tallied! The winners are now… um… winning. Anyway, to the results!

Lara Croft Vs. John McClane.

It was a tough fight to the end, but the bosom beat the badass 13 to 12. (If that really needs any clarification… Lara won).

Tony Stark Vs. Nicholas Angel.

In what was one of the most epic battles ever fought… more epic than 300 or any of the major battles in Lord of the Rings…. we had Fletch versus Nick… er… I mean, Tony Stark versus Nicholas Angel! It was one of the closest races we’ve ever had. It was neck-and-neck the entire way through and tied for the longest time. But yeah… so… um… tonywins13to11yetagainbringingfletchintothefinals. (Though with all the death threats and the horse’s head on my bed, I’m gonna say there was cheating involved… but that’s just my opinion :P ).

Anywho, there we are! I know this is awfully short notice, but if I could get the two articles by Saturday night, that’d be wonderful (as I’m going out of town and I’d like to set it up to be posted on Monday so voting could be finished by the time I get back). If not… well… I guess we’ll think of something else. So here’s the updated versus bracket (click to enlarge):

Thanks to everybody as usual, and let’s end this with a bang! Thanks!

Well, round one has ended in good timing! I can give the results now, and the winners can begin on their next articles over the weekend (as long as they aren’t distracted by some movie that came out this weekend… I can’t remember what it is at the moment, though… hmm…). Anyway, the results! It was an incredible first round with tons of voting and a few close calls!

Bruce Wayne/Batman Vs. Lara Croft.

This was the most voted-for match of the bunch, and boy was it a doozy. Between the awesomeness that is Bruce Wayne and the hotness that is Lara Croft, many of the male population of the LAMB had difficulty deciding between the two. But Lara Croft came out victorious with a staggering 31 votes over Bruce’s 22.

Tony Stark/Iron Man Vs. Underdog.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the least voted-for match (which is funny considering one of them was Iron Man, and that Iron Man was written by our very own Fletch). However, the match was still an obvious no-brainer (sorry Underdog), with Mr. Stark kicking the dog aside with a vote of 13 to 6.

John McClane Vs. Nausicaa.

This match, much like the first, was a battle of machismo and sex. John McClane is obviously one of the most iconic action heroes ever created, while Nausicaa… has ‘lesbian-y tendencies’. Apparently we have some moral LAMBs around here, because John McClane yippee kie yay’d to the top spot with an incredibly tight vote of 12 to 11.

Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel.

Finally, there was the battle of the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass against… the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass. It was a tough vote for me, as I wrote for Mr. Angel, yet Leon is one of my favorite movies. Apparently, though, others didn’t have the same confliction as Nicholas Angel fought his way to the winning spot with a vote of 14 to 8 (with no actual bribery involved!).

So there we are. The next round will begin as soon as possible, and I ask all winners to begin writing their essays for round two so they can get them to me ASAP. Round two should hopefully begin next week. And here is the updated Versus Bracket (click to enlarge):

Oh look at that… I’m going to be going up against Fletch in round two. It will be a battle of epic proportions! And I thank everybody who wrote in for round one, everybody who voted for round one, and everybody that is going to be participating for round two. Let’s hope the next one goes just as smoothly! Thanks!

After all the wait, all the pain, all the struggle, all the torturing, all the death, and all the mayhem (and that’s not even including what happened inside the narratives!), Sirens of the LAMBs has FINALLY come to a close!

There were a lot of votes for the final round. 41, to be exact. And the winner, honestly, was a sure-fire winner from before the event even began due to sheer popularity. That’s right. You guessed it. You know her well.

The winner of Sirens of the LAMBs is…

THE BRIDE!

The Bride, once known as Beatrix Kiddo, was nearly assassinated by her old friends and fellow assassins, the DVAS (Deadly Viper Assassination Squad), led by Bill. Her soon-to-be husband was murdered, and her child was taken by Bill himself. So The Bride hunted down each one of them on her way to KILL BILL!

And, of course, she was played by the wonderful Uma Thurman. For the fully completed Versus Bracket, check below (click to enlarge):

And if you’re curious as to what the final voting score was, it was Cherry Darling with 13 and The Bride with 28. The Bride’s total voting score throughout the entire event was a whopping 77 votes.

Oh yeah… and congratulations to Jason from Invasion of the B Movies for actually, you know, writing all the winning narratives that got her to the winning spot.

And congrats to Fletch from Blog Cabins, as well, for being the runner-up.

And thanks to everybody who bared with me through this overly long event.

So yeah, congratulations to Jason, The Bride, and everybody else who feels like they should be congratulated!

Here you go, Jason. Have a button:

Because I didn’t feel like waiting until tonight to post this up (and to give more time to the winners to write their articles), I will now post the results for round 3. Nothing really went unexpected this round. The final round will be down to the popular vote and the underdog. So here are the results:

Asami Yamazaki Vs. Cherry Darling.

Fletch’s Cherry Darling (Planet Terror) has made it through yet again, finally knocking the twisted Asami (Audition) out of the game 4 to 2.

Kyra Vs. The Bride.

It was a match of luck versus popularity. Kyra has scraped through the competition based on luck of the draw, and The Bride has been, by far, the most popular contestant. And in what I believe to be an easy win based on popularity alone (and in the most-voted-for match of the round), The Bride beat out Kyra 9 to 2.

So there was round 3. The final round, round 4, will begin soon, and the winner of the 13 years and running Sirens event will be declared. Who will win it? Will it be The Bride, the obvious popular vote in the entire event? Or will it be Cherry Darling, the underdog, hand-picked for Fletch as a second character (just to help me out a bit with numbers). It’s up to you! And now, the Versus Bracket (click to enlarge):

Again, thank you to everybody who has been patient with me and this event. Also, thank you to everybody who participated in round three and/or are participating in round four! You’ve done and/or are doing an excellent job! Thanks again and keep up the good work! We’re almost there!

UPDATE: One of the winners below has been changed.

It was a round of unexpected winners. This truly must have been based more on the narratives than who might actually win if they were put together, as I (personally) don’t believe any that won this round could have actually beat their opponent head-to-head. But that’s a good thing! It shows that the rules are being followed, and that people are supposedly following the better narrative instead! So congratulations to those who won and have moved on to Round 3! We’re getting closer to the end now, so things will be moving much more quickly. And now, for the results!

Asami Yamazaki Vs. Baby Firefly.

It was a highly disturbing matchup, and the second most voted on of the round. Asami Yamazaki (Audition) beat out Baby Firefly (House of 1000 Corpses) 9 to 6.

Cherry Darling Vs. O-Ren Ishii.

It was one of the funnier match-ups, and apparently people liked the Tarantino/Rodriguez battle. Cherry Darling (Planet Terror) beat out O-Ren Ishii (Kill Bill) 8 to 6.

UPDATE: Suzanne Maretto Vs. Kyra.

Like Sil Vs. Bonnie Parker in the first round, voting for this match was mind-boggling to me. It was the least voted-for round, and both Suzanne (To Die For) and Kyra (Chronicles of Riddick) tied at 3 to 3. However, due to Suzanne having previously been in the lead (as well as a coin toss), Suzanne WAS the winner of the match.

However, due to the writer for Suzanne Maretto having to drop out due to a busy schedule, Kyra will take the win and go through to the next round (I swear, Kyra’s cursed for the opponent. She keeps winning by default).

Sil Vs. The Bride.

This was the most-voted for match of the round, and it seems the somewhat unstoppable alien woman has finally been stopped. The Bride (Kill Bill) beat out Sil (Species) 12 to 8.

So there y’all go! That’s how Round 2 went. Round 3 will be underway soon. So here’s to an exciting third round of Sirens of the LAMBs! Also, here is the new Versus Bracket to start off Round 3 (Click to Enlarge):

Thank you to everybody who has been patient with me and this event. Also, thank you to everybody who participated in round two and/or are participating in round three! You’ve done and/or are doing an excellent job! Thanks again and keep up the good work!

Because I’m bored right now, and because I don’t feel like doing it in the morning after I wake up… and because it’s after midnight, so I’m still technically keeping to my word about posting this Sunday… I’ve decided just to go ahead and post the Sirens of the LAMBs Round 1 Results and the Round 2 Match-Ups.

Asami Yamazaki Vs. Catwoman.

In two incredibly demented (and awesome) narratives, Asami (Audition) and Catwoman (Batman Returns) faced off. Asami ended up winning out against Catwoman with 13 votes over 9.

Baby Firefly Vs. Princess Nausicaa.

Due to the author for the Princess Nausicaa (Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind) narrative dropping out, Baby Firefly (House of 1000 Corpses) automatically went through to the second round.

Cherry Darling Vs. Aeon Flux.

Due to the author of the Aeon Flux (Aeon Flux) narrative dropping out, Cherry Darling (Grindhouse Presents Planet Terror) automatically went through to the second round.

Hayley Vs. O-Ren Ishii.

In what had to be one of the most hilarious narratives of the first round, O-Ren Ishii (Kill Bill) beat out Hayley Stark (Hard Candy) 10 to 3.

Zoe Vs. Suzanne Maretto.

This happened to be the least voted-for match (ignoring the ones that didn’t involve voting), but it was still dead close! Suzanne Maretto (To Die For) beat out Zoe Washburne (Serenity) 6 to 5.

Kyra Vs. Nikita.

Due to the author for the Nikita (La Femme Nikita) narrative dropping out, Kyra (Chronicles of Riddick) automatically went through to the second round.

Sil Vs. Bonnie Parker.

This had to be one of the most mind-boggling set of narratives. The fairness of the fight was actually questioned at one point, but the voting showed that people believed Bonnie could stand a fighting chance. It was an incredibly unexpected and unbelievably close match, but Sil (Species) still beat out Bonnie Parker (Bonnie & Clyde) 11 to 9.

River Tam Vs. The Bride.

This was one of the most action-packed set of narratives, and it also got the most votes out of any set (54!). It was crazy awesome to see, and it was insanely close the whole way through. However, The Bride (Kill Bill) ended up killing River Tam (Serenity) 28 to 26!

So there y’all go! That’s how Round 1 went. Round 2 will be underway soon, as each contestant in Round 2 has already been notified (and I’ve actually already got one article!). So here’s to an exciting second round of Sirens of the LAMBs!

Also, here is the new Versus Bracket to start off Round 2 (Click to Enlarge):

Thank you to everybody who has been patient with me and this event. Also, thank you to everybody who participated in round one and/or are participating in round two! You’ve done and/or are doing an excellent job! Thanks again and keep up the good work!