(Welcome to the second fight of round 2 of Sirens of the LAMBs! Read through the narratives and vote on the winner! And remember to base it on the narratives and not just a bias!)

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Previously on Sirens of the LAMBs with Sil, we saw our nubile young “humalien” looking for a good man but coming up empty, turn to her friend Max Walker for some assistance. After travelling back in time to the 1930s, Sil soon found a capable and loving mate, in the person of one Clyde Barrow. After quickly dispatching of his nagging gnat of a girlfriend, Sil soon settled down with Barrow…

Sil. Sil Barrow. It had a nice ring to it, and Clyde had not long ago stolen one as well. However, as time passed, he felt himself losing the urge to rob banks and cause mischief. His love for Sil had borne in him the desire to settle down and raise a family; likewise, having found her man, Sil had left her killing ways behind her. Or so she thought…

Time passed. Sil finally got her wish - some children of her own. They named them the girl Sil Jr. and the boy Frederick. With the money from Clyde’s bank robbing days, they had enough to live the good life, but they wanted as normal an upbringing as they could provide for their one-quarter alien children, so they went the suburban route, getting a modest house with a picket fence. The perfect nuclear family.

More time passed. Clyde grew grey and old, but Sil and the kids, after their initial alien-induced rapid-aging (they sprout from newborn to teenager in less than five human years), weren’t showing the signs of age like the rest of the community. They started to show themselves less and less. Decades came and went. Clyde lived into his 80s, but died in 1994. It was around this time that Sil realized that her old “friends” that hunted her when she lived through this the first time around would soon become aware of her existence. Being proactive, and with the kids off at college (the slowed aging, remember?), she took it upon herself to hunt them down before they even knew of the younger version of herself came into being. Off she went, tracking them down one by one. Xavier Fitch - dead. Dr. Arden - adios. Dr. Baker - sayonara. Preston Lennox (pictured at left) - later. Only…

Little did she know, haste not only made waste for Sil, but something much, much worse. In the rush to off every one of her potential captors before they knew of her, Sil didn’t take much time to deliberate before offing the next victim. As is turned out, it wasn’t Preston Lennox that she had killed, but a skuzzbucket by the name of Budd (pictured at right). Budd, also known as Sidewinder, just happened to be the brother of a man named Bill, who was the leader of the Deadly Viper Assasination Squad (DVAS). When word came to Bill about his brother’s death, he vowed vengeance of his killer (a witness to the murder gave up Sil), and he acted swiftly, sending the DVAS after Sil and her family. With the Barrows unaware of this turn of events, Frederick and Sil Jr. became innocent victims in the game of death, each stabbed by death by members of the DVAS.

Sil had now lost any motivation she had at targeting the team of scientists and doctors who might soon be after her. With her beloved 1/4-alien children now gone, and never able to bring 1/8-alien children into the world, Sil had a new raison d’etre: Kill Everyone Associated With Bill.

And that she did, including some bitch name Beatrix Kiddo.

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By Jason from Invasion of the B Movies.

The Bride was walking into her apartment that she shares with her new boyfriend Eric. It was night, and the apartment was pitch black. Beatrix found this odd, since she saw Eric’s car parked outside. She turned on the living room lights and saw no one there.

“Eric,” Beatrix called out.

She closed the door and looks around the apartment before hearing a noise in the bedroom. Beatrix smiles, thinking Eric is waiting for her as she heads to the bedroom. Then she hears something she didn’t expect to hear: a woman’s voice. Beatrix stops in her tracks, unsure if she did hear what she heard. But no, she hears it again.

He knows better then to fuck around on me, Beatrix thought to herself. Just in case, she went back to the living room and grabbed her Hattori Hanzo that she proudly displays on the wall. She unsheathes it and holds it upright while walking towards the bedroom.

She reaches the door and she pushes it in just a little to see what’s going on. Standing near the bed she sees the back of Eric’s head kissing what looks like a blond woman, who is naked. Eric is almost undressed himself.

“That son of a-”

Before Beatrix can finish her thought, blood comes pouring out of the back of Eric’s head and what appears to be a tongue pops out. The naked blonde chick then lets go of Eric, who falls to the floor, dead. With Eric out of the way, Beatrix can finally see the blonde chick, and she’s got an amazingly long tongue. What is that about…

No time to think about it, she just killed Eric! Beatrix barges into the room, about to strike with her sword, but the blonde woman dives out of the way and Beatrix ends up cutting the bed apart. The blonde woman then does a behind kick, knocking Beatrix over the bed, which now collapses.

The blonde woman looks down at Beatrix.

“You must be the girlfriend,” she says.

“Yes. Who might you be?”

“My name is Sil. I needed your boyfriend to mate with me, but he didn’t turn out to be what I was looking for after all.”

“So you killed him?” Beatrix asked with anger in her voice.

“Yes. Judging by the way he kissed, I did you a favor.”

“YAAAHH!!!!”

Beatrix kicked Sil right in the stomach and she went flying back 50 feet into the wall, knocking down several pictures, some of Beatrix and Eric. Beatrix jumps back to her feet and she grabs her sword. With the sword pointed forward, she runs towards Sil, but Sil jumps up to avoid being pierced. What Sil didn’t count on though, was the dropped ceiling Beatrix and Eric had put in 5 months ago, so her head went through it, making her stuck.

“You bitch! We had a hard time choosing that ceiling!” Beatrix bellowed.

Sil wiggled around and Beatrix saw her feet dangling, so she tickled them, making Sil laugh. Then Sil kicked Beatrix in the face. This stunned Beatrix but only for a moment. Then without hesitation, she chopped off Sil’s feet with the sword.

Sil gave an unearthly scream and Beatrix pulled Sil down from the ceiling where she collapsed in a heap. Beatrix then tries to cut Sil into other parts but Sil keeps rolling around the floor. Then Sil did a hand stand (Remember fellas, she’s naked) and put her bloody leg stump in Beatrix’s mouth.

Beatrix starts choking on blood, dropping her sword. Sil then tries to make a grab for it, but loses her balance so she falls down. Beatrix spits out the blood in her mouth as Sil gets on her knees. Beatrix kicks hers some more, causing her to keep falling to the ground.

After a few kicks, Sil finally jumps up and wraps her legs around Beatrix’s waist. Sil puts her face close to Beatrix, with her lips about 4 inches or so near Sil’s lips, as Sil opens her mouth. The tongue is about to come out and before it can make it’s way into Beatrix’s mouth, Beatrix with lighting reflexes grabs it and with all her might pulls.

Sil is surprised by these turn of events as Beatrix yanks out her tongue. And god damn what a long ass tongue it is. This thing must go down to her feet or something. Finally, she pulls out her entire tongue and Sil falls to the floor. She’s gasping and clawing at her mouth. Beatrix stands over her.

“What’s wrong? Bride got your tongue?”

“UCK!! MUUCCK DEEE MMM”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Here, let me give this back to you.”

Beatrix rolls up her tongue into a big ball and, with great strength, shoves Sil’s tongue back into her mouth, which gets caught in her throat. Sil gasps for breath.

“It appears to be stuck. Let me help,” Beatrix said, grabbing for her sword. She then jabs her sword down into Sil’s mouth, not only causing her tongue to go down deeper, but causing the sword to come back out the back of her neck. With this final act, Sil lays still. Beatrix takes a step back and sits on the bed, which falls apart from being cut in half.

“Fuck. Eric picked this bed too.”

(Welcome to the third official face-off of Sirens of the LAMBs! If you have not done so already, please read the previous fights and cast your vote! Remember to base it on the narratives and not just a bias! Oh, and there is no longer going to be pictures to go along side the narratives. They’re making everything out to be a formatting hell. Sorry.)

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By Fletch from Blog Cabins.

Poor Sil.

Sil wants a baby. The problem is, she can’t seem to find a decent potential baby daddy anywhere. Scientists just want to “study” her body (yeah, right), and the guys she meets at bars just can’t keep up with her hormones. She found cops to be a good match, but sooner than later, they find out about her history and want to “bring her in” and/or kill her — neither of which will help her become impregnated.

So, our distraught heroine did what anyone in her situation would do. She called up her old friend Max Walker to see if he couldn’t bend the rules a bit (time traveling is strictly meant for timecops, as civilians are always screwing things up) and send her to another time where someone like her wouldn’t be judged so quickly or, you know, feared by everyone just because they heard some report on the news about some psycho half-alien/half-human megababe who kills just about everyone she comes into contact with.

Max owed her a solid, so he felt he had to help, despite his worries about killing the former mayor of Cleveland or JFK or destroying the space-time continuum or anything like that. Knowing that Sil wanted to go to a time when CNN and Fox News and things like that didn’t exist, Max sent her to the early 1930s (too early and she might not be able to assimilate). And just like that… she was gone.

When she exited her space-time hoopty, Sil was a bit disoriented. She’d hoped to be sent to a vibrant metropolis like New York City, but she found that she was instead stuck in the dust bowl of America, somewhere between Mexico and Missouri. Though this certainly limited the number of prospects available, her first impression of the people was that they were of a kind nature, so she politely decided not to kill anyone for awhile.

For awhile, things were going swimmingly. Sil took up residence in small-town Texas and found a job as a teacher. She discovered that, when not morphing between her alien and human forms, she had a real knack for getting children to do long division and write in cursive. A new part of her personality blossomed into the tulip Max had seen all along (and secretly longed for). Things were looking up, though there was still a drought in the man department, and she was aging at an accelerated rate, meaning alien menopause could strike at any time.

She was feeling particularly low one day, when she happened to meet just the man of her dreams. She was running an errand for the school, taking some buffalo nickels and two-dollar bills to the local bank for deposit, when a handsome devil of a man walked in. He was dressed in a suit and fedora and had the cocksure confidence that most men lacked in that day. Even better, he was burning a hole through Sil with his steely gaze. The only problem? There was something buzzing all around him — a gnat or flat or some such nuisance. Sil advanced towards the scallywag for a closer look at what seemed to be troubling him.

As it turned out, it wasn’t a gnat at all. It was a person named Bonnie something or other. Though Sil was fixed on the rogue (whose name was Clyde), she couldn’t help but hear some of the muttering that this “Bonnie” was making a fuss over (something about being in love with him and willing to fight for her man). With the speed and precision of a nail gun, Sil discreetly killed the “gnat.”

She and Clyde lived happily ever after.

(What — you thought there’d actually be a battle between those two?)

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By Mikey from Spaghetti Sauce and Sweet Peas.

Miss Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow enter a saloon. They quickly get a seat to grab a quick bite to eat. While eating, a woman enters and walks to the bar. She pulls out a large wad of cash and orders a drink. This catches the attention of both Bonnie and Clyde. They see their next victim to rob.

Bonnie walks over to the woman. “Hello there. I’m Miss Bonnie Parker and over there is Mr. Clyde Barrow. What’s someone like you doing in a place like this?”

“I’m Sil, and I’m looking for a partner,” replies the woman. “Is that your husband?” (referring to Clyde).

Bonnie shakes her head and motions Clyde to join them. “I’ll be right back,” said Bonnie. She leaves Clyde and Sil alone at the bar.

In the bathroom, Bonnie takes out her handgun in her purse. She lights a cigarette and puts on some lipstick since she wants to look good when she takes Sil’s money.

Meanwhile, Sil tries to make out with Clyde. After kissing him, she senses that he is not the right partner to get her pregnant. After realizing this, she kills Clyde as Bonnie comes out of the bathroom.

“Clyde!” yells Bonnie as her partner and lover is killed.

Sil is not paying attention to Bonnie as she fires her handgun and repeatedly shoots Sil. The multiple gunshot wounds knock Sil unconscious.

Later that night, Bonnie takes Sil to a secluded area in the woods. Sil’s wounds may be magically healed, but she is a captive. She sits on a chair all tied up. The ropes make it impossible for her to break free. Her mouth is gagged with a cloth.

Bonnie walks over carrying a tank of gasoline, a camera, and has an unlit cigar in her mouth. “Now, let’s take a picture to remember this moment,” says Bonnie with a smile on her face. “I want to send this to the newspapers.”

She places the camera on a rock and poses with Sil. She kisses her on the cheek as the camera snaps the photo. She laughs as she pours the gasoline all around Sil’s body. Bonnie reaches in her pocket and reveals a book of matches. She strikes a match and lights the cigar. Bonnie takes a couple puffs and blows the smoke in Sil’s face. Sil coughs as the smoke makes her eyes teary.

“Remember the name Bonnie and Clyde,” Bonnie says. “We rob banks.” Sil tries to move and escape, but there’s no time. Bonnie throws the cigar at Sil, whose body burns in flames. Her screams are loud and painful. Her body slowly deteriorates to a charcoal carcass.

Bonnie walks away, eating a pear as the flames slowly burn in the background.